Bravo, Jakarta!

Okay so the messed-up part: my massage parlor was like 6 km away from my place. It used to take about 20 mins to get there by car which is already considerably long for the distance, but you know how long it took for me to get there last time? 1 hour and 17 friggin’ minutes!! I got jet lag just by going there… And since I had no internet (yes, I solely relied on wifi the whole time I was in Jakarta like a savage), I was bored so I started to chat with my uber driver, talking about the traffic. He said the traffic in Jakarta becomes twice horrible since the government started few public constructions at the same time; monorail, new train route, underpasses, flyovers, etc. These projects shall be finished by 2019, if all goes well, that is.

I know in the long run, those developments should reduce the pain of Jakartan traffics, but still, in the meantime, the whole process is just making all this excruciating traffic become unbearable. 

After the parlor, I went to pick up my cousin that lives ONLY 30 km away, but do you know how long did it takes me to get to her place by car? 6 FRICKIN’ HOURS!!. ARE YOU SHITTING ME. If it was a plane, I would have reached Thailand. I used to love Jakarta to the core, to every bit of its rotten parts, but this was redonkeylous. I was like: coming back to this overcrowded, disgusting nightmare was a mistake….. 

The traffic; oh my sweet cheesus, was too much. All those cars on the road were basically parking instead of running, the traffic so jammed it just stopped moving. I even had the time to hang out with my uber driver for an afternoon snack; noodles with meatballs no less, and when we got back to the car, it was still there on the road, waiting with the other thousands cars before the same red lights that have been unsuccessfully controlling the traffic. Yes, we just left the car on the road and had a snack, we didn’t even have to bother to park it elsewhere. WHAT THE WHAT!!!

The source of the traffic? those developments take space on the road and made a lot of bottleneck corners. Roads in Jakarta are overpopulated by default, and now there are less and less space for the cars to pass. Cars, buses, motorcycles, and even pedestrians brutally fight for a space on the road. Plus, it was raining. 

 Shit, has there always been this many people in Jakarta??

I didn’t tell my uber driver that my jetlagged ass was actually on a brink of an emotional breakdown facing this traffic, that poor guy already had a bad day and he has to face this every single day. I also didn’t bring up the fact that I was just visiting Jakarta and I was not used to this kind of horror anymore, in fact, I never bring that to anyone I don’t know. I am afraid that he would ask me about the traffic abroad and how the country manages it. First of fall: WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW, I don’t even have a driver license. All I know is QC is almost as fancy as Jakarta but with, like 1/20 of the population and cars. 

I literally almost burst into tears thinking that I would have to take the same way to go home from my cousin’s place, and the fact that I still had 2 weeks to spend in Jakarta…

Anyway, I still managed to have fun in those short 2 weeks. I had amazing times with friends and family, although I love Jakarta much less because of the godforsaken traffic and contemplating about revisit Jakarta only after 2019…

Some friends from QC were planning their trip to Indonesia the other day and how they have to spend some time in Jakarta. I can feel a tone of resentment in their voice when they say “Jakarta”. Hold on right there amigos, don’t you dare talk about my city!

But let’s be for real. I am from Jakarta. Born and raised. I know exactly where not to party and where to get the best meal for less than a buck without the risk of diarrhea, but I have gone for a minute and I might not want to ever go back. Not until 2019, at least. Don’t get me wrong though, there are things I miss from the infamous J Town:

• Food delivery,
• My friends, fo sho. 
• Morning street food,
•  Afternoon street food,

•  All night street food,

•  Restaurants that stay open after 5 PM, all week long,

• Cafes that stay open after 5 PM, all week long.

• Malls that stay open after 5 PM, all week long,

•  The epic night life,

•  Cheap taxi fare

• Affordable beauty treatments,

• Mom’s cookings

I mean Jakarta is great and there is nowhere in my new home aka QC to get any street food, but I realized I can’t deal with traffic anymore, and I am not the one who drives. That 6 hours trapped in traffic was really an eye opening. So when my friends were planning their days they will spend in Jakarta I was like: NAH NOT JEALOUS. 

I don’t miss:

• Sitting for hours in a back of taxi because Jakarta knows shit about traffic control
• Leave home 3 hours ahead an appointment and still have the risk of being late
• Showing up at an appointment not looking my best because I was holding back rage in the taxi on my way to the appoinment for hours because of the traffic
• Waiting for people that miss their appointment because of the traffic
• Honking cars
• Stay in a club until dawn not because the DJ but to avoid traffic
• Order a delivery but the delivery comes late because of the traffic but you can’t cancel the order because the guy has already on his way so you had to snack on something else before your order arrives
•  Not feeling it when your food order finally comes because you have snacked on too much
• Had to leave home at 3 AM to go to the airport that located 50 km away for 8AM flight

Okay fine, I love complaining about small things and made everything sounds horrifying. But guess what, once you’ve experienced that you need only 15 minutes to get to an appointment that 10 to 15 km away, there is no going back. Rest assured though, I will eventually come up with a full post ranting about this new traffic less home, because home is where the complainables are.